Relationships are complex and good communication skills are key to opening the door to a rewarding relationship. Most couples end up in my office due to the fact they did not learn the art of communication when they were growing up. They come to me needing to learn the very basics.
How we communicate with each other is often based on fear. We fear that we will be misunderstood, that what we think will not be respected, or we will make someone angry.
Many people think that if you are in love, that is all that is necessary and that there should not be any work involved. Love should be constantly fulfilling, sex to be spontaneous and passionate. But, that there shouldn't be any special effort. Well, that is certainly a myth made in Never Never Land. A successful relationship is an ongoing work in progress.
Couples therapy is a tool to:
Learning the art of constructive resolution and honoring each other's needs are the two basic ingredients for relationship harmony. All relationships at some point in time will experience discord. How couples handle life discords is the deciding factor between survival or the dissolution of the relationship.
Disagreement is part of any relationship. You can learn the art of constructive resolution in couples therapy. You can be the one to change what is deteriorating the relationship.
Below are the steps to constructive resolution. Please, post the suggestion list in a prominent place in your home so that you have immediate access to it and develop this skill with your loved one(s).
If you think that your relationship is in need of a new perspective, please call me at 360-690-6550. Let me assist you in returning harmony in your home.
1. Clearly identify the problem.
2. Focus only on the immediate problem.
3. Stay on subject, do not go off on tangents.
4. Attack the problem, not the person.
5. Listen with an open mind and do not interrupt the person speaking.
6. Do not commit fouls such as name-calling, blaming, or excuse making.
7. Treat the other person with respect.
8. Take responsibility for your actions and words, verbal and non-verbal.
9. Take 10 minute time outs if necessary.
10. Do not stop until a resolution is reached.